Bash a Hole in Your TV! (Not literally!)

When I was very small, lollies were strictly rationed at home.

Liquorish allsorts were no exception.

Like all other lollies, whenever there was a packet of liquorish allsorts in the house, the packet stayed closed until after tea. Then, the packet was opened and everybody got two each.

I liked liquorish allsorts best because they enabled what I thought of as ‘cheating the lolly rationing system’.

One standard liquorish allsort is actually in five layers: three layers of white or coloured lolly, separated by two layers of liquorish (which are also lollies, although more boring looking.)

By separating the layers, I could turn my two standard liquorish allsorts into TEN different lollies.

Once in possession of my ten lollies, my next challenge was to eat them as slowly as possible.

As many children who desire to eat food slowly will tell you, a great way to do this is to play with the food first!

So I made up a game callled “Bash a Hole in Your TV”

To play this game I would hide with my ten lollies behind a chair in the lounge and pretend that I was an amazing host of a TV show called (insert drumroll here): ‘Bash a Hole in Your TV!’

Viewers tuning into this show could watch me with all my awesome skill and charm eating my lollies VERY slowly, while being narrated by the voice in my head.

Why on earth would anyone want to watch a show like this? To practice their patience skills!

The objective for the viewer would be to watch the entire programme without becoming so hungry that they bashed a Hole in their TV in an attempt to eat one of my lollies!

Their reward for being patient would be a fully functioning TV at the end of the programme!

One evening my sister looked over the back of the chair and asked “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I always eat liquorish allsorts like this.” I replied casually as I chewed on a piece number four while waving piece number five  infront of my imaginary viewers while thinking “What do you want more now? This lolly or your telly with no hole bashed in it????? It’s a tough choice isn’t it?!?!? Hahahahaha!”

Did I have a secret desire to own a television repair company? Did I just have a flair for inventing TV shows no one would ever watch? Hmmmmm…..I ponder this sometimes.

Now I am a grown up, when I go to the supermarket I often buy a packet of liquorish allsorts.

I put my groceries in my car. I take my shopping trolley back. I return to my car and before I drive home I get that packet of liquorish allsorts and I EAT THE LOT!