Cat: Hi! I’ve jumped on the table! I’m clever!
Me: No cats on the table, but you can come here and sit on my knee.
Cat: Okay, will you pat me?
Me: Yes.
Cat: purrrrrrrr.
Me: Would you like me to pat your chin?
Cat: Yes! PURRRR!
Me: Now, please remember, no cats are allowed on the table.
Cat: Please pat the other side of my chin. Oh, PURRRRR!
Me: Are you going to be good today?
Cat: Can I have something to eat?
Me: No, you have had your breakfast.
Cat: I’m getting bored.
Me: Wild you like to jump down?
Cat: Can I bite you?
Me: No.
Cat: Can I pleeeeeease bite you? I will only use my teeth a little bit, like this!
Me: Okay, time to get off my lap!
Cat: Oh look! There’s a small tree blowing in the wind in the garden! I will look out the window and stare at it!
Me: Did you have to use the claws on all four feet when you jumped off my knee?
Cat: Can you bring me that tree?
Me: No.
Cat: MEOW! I want it! MEOW!
Me: Here, have a fluffy ball with a bell inside it.
Cat: OH WOW! I will chance it! It must die!
Me: Good Cat.
Cat: Okay, I have caught and mauled the ball. I’m going to have my nap inside the couch now. See you in a few hours.